This is for all you peeps out there who still think my life is a joke. Let me tell you why it’s so hard.
1. I’m super funny! - What a blessing in disguise.. See, most of the things I think are super funny (because they are!) are also completely inappropriate and rude to say. but it’s legitimately what i’m thinking!! For example, I was at a gathering of people the other weekend, and someone who I had known of for a long time and casually met was impressed by my sense of humor. He therefore said to me, hey, i like you, you’re funny. well obviously this is true and i’m conceited enough to know this already, so i was unimpressed. basically i looked him up and down and said, “i know.” he was thrown off by this. walked away. SEE WHAT I MEAN! NOW EVERYONE THINKS IM MEAN WHEN REALLY THIS GUY IS JUST A DOUCHER AND STATES THE OBVIOUS! at least everyone else at the gathering thought it was amusing so my ego was boosted a bit.
2. I don’t have a job - This also may seem like a blessing in disguise. HOWEVER it means i’m super busy with other important things, like shopping, getting my nails done, and driving my friends crazy. first things first - shopping is not good. i am a shopping addict. therefore a simple trip to the mall for YOU turns into an i-just-did-meth high for me. lets just say my parents could be happier that i am besties with the workers at von maur. (shoutout to my girl nicole!) i like getting my nails done but sometimes when the asians are sanding my nails down to stick fake nails on (because my real nails suck, YES MY LIFE SUCKS) they go through the nail and it bleeds. talk about life altering!! i’m already missing two toenails!! Driving my friends crazy….luckily i have pretty sweet friends who are always (with a little stalking, sometimes i sit outside of karleys house until she comes home BECAUSE I LOVE HER) down to hang out! typically our activities involve beverages. however, because i am unfortunately addicted easily to everything that is bad for me, i only get to have one or two. i like to pretend i am still an alcoholic though because it seems more fun. for this exact reason i recently purchased a flask to carry red bull in. i would keep vodka in it but i’m just not that hardcore.
3. i go to a school thats way hard!! - this is interesting because i’m pretty sure my parents bought my way into this school. i don’t have proof but i’m decently sure because i’m definitely not smart enough to be there. i mean, i wouldn’t say i’ve ever had to cheat or take add meds (PRERECOVERYGETOFFMYBACK) to pass a test, thats for sure!!
4. i’m in recovery from an eating disorder - this is obviously hard for reasons i don’t need to state because they’re boring. BUT i’m having some issues with the fact that I NOW LOVE FOOD - i was really missing out when i was anorexic. but now it’s like, WHAT IF I DON’T HAVE TIME IN THE DAY TO EAT CUPCAKES AND ICE CREAM BOTH?!!
5. i’m also in recovery from self-injury - blah blah blah emotions. also people ask you about scars. this is annoying and kind of rude, mostly i hate these people. my favorite line to give them is, “i got in a car accident where my mother died.” that usually stops further inquiries.
so basically guys, my life is the hardest. feel free to disagree, but know that i’m a super bitch and won’t really care .
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